Another bad start of the week. I wonder if I'm really going into depression mood. Just read that when one loses interests in everything, that's depression. And here I am, no interest in my work, no interest in meeting people, constantly giving evasive responses or remarks, staring into space at times, sounds like I'm en route down that path after all.
Maybe I should move out, I seem to remember happier and much more relaxed times back then. Now, it just feels like I'm going out for the sake of being away from a place called home, which isn't, really.
Cross my fingers, pray to God that I can do that sooner, before I loses my sanity to family pressure...
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
A little piece of silence
Silence is said to be golden. But where I am now, silence is the calm before the impending storm.
I appreciate silence as much as I appreciate the existence of modern day transportation. However, this silence is the type of silence I'd rather not go through.
I appreciate silence as much as I appreciate the existence of modern day transportation. However, this silence is the type of silence I'd rather not go through.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Random Ramblings
I forgot when was the last time I wrote an entry here. Someone reminded me today I should vent my frustration here so I will not be depressed again. I've nearly forgotten I even had an account here.
To be honest, I don't even know where to start. There's so much emotions, thoughts going on in this little brain of mine, I feel like I'm going to explode. Seriously, when I stated having flashes of death in my mind, I knew I'm near insanity. Bet insanity misses me after so long. It's been more than a decade after all. A long time...
As usual, it all started again after I moved back home. Having been living on my own for a couple of years plus a few years of no adult authority, I am pretty much uncontrollable now. I might be a rebel but a disciplined rebel. Without any authority, I'm much more "well-behaved". With authority? Every single cell in me screams "NO!!"
I have an issue with authority, especially self-proclaimed-democratics-who-are-in-fact-tyranny-autocratics! Unfortunately for me, I was born to one and have to live with one now. Sometimes, I envisioned how I can rebutt and still keep my cool. Sometimes, I see myself simply dropping dead. Wonder which is worse really.
Nonetheless, I got to deal with this insanity for as long as I am still living under this roof. In any case, this blog can't be found.
To be honest, I don't even know where to start. There's so much emotions, thoughts going on in this little brain of mine, I feel like I'm going to explode. Seriously, when I stated having flashes of death in my mind, I knew I'm near insanity. Bet insanity misses me after so long. It's been more than a decade after all. A long time...
As usual, it all started again after I moved back home. Having been living on my own for a couple of years plus a few years of no adult authority, I am pretty much uncontrollable now. I might be a rebel but a disciplined rebel. Without any authority, I'm much more "well-behaved". With authority? Every single cell in me screams "NO!!"
I have an issue with authority, especially self-proclaimed-democratics-who-are-in-fact-tyranny-autocratics! Unfortunately for me, I was born to one and have to live with one now. Sometimes, I envisioned how I can rebutt and still keep my cool. Sometimes, I see myself simply dropping dead. Wonder which is worse really.
Nonetheless, I got to deal with this insanity for as long as I am still living under this roof. In any case, this blog can't be found.
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