Vamcatasia

2009-09-25T00:55:00.002+08:00

People, a strange species.

Humans have evolved to become Robots with a human face. You never know when they are for real, and when they are not. I've long ago given up on trying to understand.

I live in a world where even I, myself feel a little robotic.

2009-06-28T22:50:00.002+08:00

This is me.

This is change.

How is life?

indescribable feelings, tumultous emotions. My heart is in a million pieces, impossible to piece them back together.

2009-06-28T00:28:00.002+08:00

Been the longest time since I logged in...

It seemed to have been years..

Things have changed, I have changed.

After what I have been through, I feel lonely now. Friends are never friends, family holds a different meaning now. I used to think that friends are the best, but now...

Even a love can change. My love for music, love for action, love for company, love for challenges, they have all but melt into the universe, unable to be found again.

I feel like an empty shell now, so empty that I'm beginning to feel that maybe I am nothing but a shell. Devoid of feelings, emotions and dreams. Just a shell that looks like a human. Incapable of sincere laughter, unable to cry, left with no voice, nothing.

I yearn to findmyself again, but somewhere I know I will not be truly happy again. Not when I can't laugh from my heart, or cry again.

Things have really changed. Decisions I made in the past have caught up, leaving me nowhere to turn to.

Maybe I should leave. Leave this place and start afresh somewhere else. Somewhere no one have ever heard of me. I might then be able to laugh again. No one will ever see me the wayI am now, I put on a very sturdy mask. The mask of my life.

2007-09-24T19:51:00.000+08:00

I just read an article on TIMES magazine and it had me thinking: Why humans have to fight over everything and anything? Why, after they had inflicted pain on Mother Earth so bad, they still have to inflict more pain and claim they are doing things to correct their wrongs?

I being a human, find it disgusting. What goes around, comes around, sometimes double the destruction. Yet no one ever believes it! After so much pain had been inflicted on Mother Earth, shouldn't humans be thinking of better ways to save it than to inflict more pain on it? Everyone knows Global Warming is getting worse everyday, yet everyone is continuing doing the things to hurt Earth. I'm not saying I didn't have a part in it, but at least have conscience! Stop fighting over a land that is disappearing! The humans on land can adapt to change but what about the animals? They aren't born to adapt to such huge climate change, so please i plead to all, SPare Them the agony!

This is the only thing I find disgusting. I find all human thinking absurd! No one ever plan to fail, but most fail to plan. There was always a 80/20 rule which says that 20% usually succeed ahead of the other 80%. But I must say, it is a 95/5 rule! Only 5% truly WANTS to succeed and DO things to succeed! This is extremely amazing to me. I always hear people saying they want to earn big bucks, drive big cars, live big house, but what have they done to deserve all that? Nothing. All humans know is say, think but they don't do! If by saying or just thinking can bring you anywhere you want, then what's the need for aeroplanes and rockets? It's really funny to look at humans these days.. I find them pathetic. To those who still blame the heavens for not granting them their wishes, please, stop for a moment and think, what have you given to the earth, society, or people around you, to deserve heavens answering your wishes?

"Everything happens for a reason, for every effect there's a specific cause"

2007-03-05T21:50:00.000+08:00

Yeah!.. I'm finally going to graduate. The last paper took place last fri... Think I will pass, not with flying colours but at least I should be able to pass.

Now I'm gonna take a break and start looking for a full-time job. Any recommendations?

Okie, my eyes are dropping off.. gotta go Zzzz... anyone looking for me can give me a ring ok? bye!

2006-11-08T09:54:00.000+08:00

Yeah! Finally into the last 3 days of attachment! Not that I'm yearning to go back to school but should say I'm yearning to graduate... Haha... Ever since I've been baack with Adrian, I've felt lighter and happier. Maybe this is the beginning, maybe this won't last but at least I'm not regretting it for now.

I've started working in the cafe pub last weekend. My boss actually praise me on the first day coz I'm a fast learner and I'm able to adapt fast. I actually was able to handle the customers on my first day and able to make a few drinks already on my first day. My boss seems really please, and told me that he'll raise my pay from this week onwards. YEAH!~ I'll most likely be working in the pub most of the time coz my boss don't seem to have a lot of waitresses who qualify for the pub working environment. I drink and I smoke, maybe that's why. (kids don't start smoking ok....I'm a bad example)

Since this is the last week of attachment, I'm gonna miss my friends here. They are a fun bunch of people. Grace is always cheerful; Xiumei is always blur; Sharon is always bubbly; Joyce is always "autistic" and Kenneth is always "body-building". HAHAHA... I'M SO GONNA MISS ALL OF THEM!!!

Anyway, I gotta go do some work so ciaos. See ya soon!!

Creepy....

2006-05-11T12:24:00.000+08:00

Your True Love Is a Scorpio

Why you'll love a Scorpio:

Strong and sexy, Scorpio will overpower you into falling in love (before you even realize it!).
You'll love being swept away by Scorpio - into a world of insane passion.

Why a Scorpio will love you:

You don't mind letting your Scorpio take the reigns, as long as you know you're truly cared for.
Loyal and devoted, you would never do anything to set off insanely jealous Scorpio.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

To all friends and strangers who reads my blog

2006-02-03T11:09:00.000+08:00

I just read my own blog. I've got people leaving comments on my blog and I have no idea as to where people got my blog address and how come they will leave a comment. I visited their blogs and I must be an idiot coz I don't know how to leave a comment on their blogs. I realized I'm so much more of a computer idiot than I thought. I don't really know how to navigate in other people's blog.

To Mr. Park Ranger, I read your blog, rather interesting job you have. It must be fun right? Here in Singapore, the parks are too small to even need a ranger.

To pennystockinvestment.blogspot.com, I couldn't read your blog coz it's a bad url, I'm told. Or rather, the url is not found on the server.

To all others who wants me to read your blog, please leave a valid url. I'd like to make more friends around the world but I need a valid url. Thankies!

2005-12-30T13:48:00.000+08:00

Ok I know, I haven't been blogging for a long long time. But you can't blame me right? I can't afford a new computer and the 2 computers in school are really not enough for 16 people. Well, what can I say? I was also rather busy for the past 2 weeks. I worked on X'mas eve, X'mas day and even post-X'mas day. I can't afford to slack when it comes to work, coz I've got an ungentlemenly man coming after me for money even when I explained that I had just paid a thousand dollars school fees and handphone bill of 200 bucks. Since he's so persistant and insistant that I pay him back before the year ends I can only work as much as I can and return whatever I can.

Anyway, I went to watch King Kong yesterday with Soo Fern, it was really worth the 8 bucks. It's really touching though I'm not the type who would cry at movies, but I was really touched by the actions of King Kong. It braved it's life to protect the life of Ann Darrow from THREE dinosaurs and I'm not talking about small characters. It's tyrannosaurus (I dunno how to spell their name.. heh). It rather get bitten on the elbow den just let them eat her. But I think it is super cute in a way too lor. It will shua pi qi one. When Ann refuse to perform for him anymore, he threw the rocks and monuments as if a women sweeping her cosmetics from table to floor. It's very human like. After he saved Ann, he sort of showed Ann that he is the best and turned and walked slowly away, after Ann caught up he swept her onto his back. Once back to his den he let her down, and sulked. WHen Ann performed for him again, I think that's the most human part. He looked at her, enjoyed it, but turned his head and yawned! He's so like a real human. I would say it's a must watch. I know I watched it a little slow of time but, better late den never right?

How girlie am I?

2005-11-23T12:47:00.000+08:00

Another thing I got from Blogthings.

You Can Hang With the Guys and the Girls

You've struck a good balance between girlie and laid back.
You can keep it casual but when you dress up, you are as girly as the next girl.

How Girlie Are You?

2005-09-27T21:02:00.000+08:00

Yoz.. how's everyone?... (not like a lot of people come read this anyway...) I'm in the second month of my holidays and I'm still not having a job. Just odd jobs at the Bluez and I'm free again.. kinda boring to be stuck at home everyday. Dad even asked me how come I'm at home. I think I'll go bonkers soon... somebody please be a kind soul and tell me what is interesting to do around a small island like Singapore?

......

2005-09-03T17:02:00.000+08:00

Hi, I just wanna drop by lest you guys forget me... haha... I'm having my holidays now, that's why it's hard to get hold of a computer. Right now I'm working part-time with Hong Leong Finance to give out the prospectus.

I have also arranged a class gathering on the 17th, Saturday. It should be a BBQ if all goes well, oh, how I miss the rest of the classmates. I only hope all will turn up. Okie, enough talk le, kinda busy now. See ya soon.

Sad return

2005-08-27T16:40:00.000+08:00

Just got back from Malaysia on Wednesday and heard that one of my secondary school class mate died in an accident. This is the second student from our batch to die, made me think of how short life is. Though I'm not close to her, I still feel sad that she's gone just like that. There's a prayer session for her tomorrow, I'm going. Makes me sad to know someone I know just left like that.

going 21

2005-08-14T19:50:00.000+08:00

Yeah.. exams' over and I just celebrated my 21st birthday, though disappointed, I'm still happy for the people who came. I"m a little tired from preparing the food but I'm happy preparing them. Unfortunately for someone, he wasn't there to enjoy them. He gotta go celebrate his friend's birthday, but he promised he'll celebrate with me on the next few days. We didn't manage to take any photos as no one brought any camera. Too bad..... Next time I swear I'd not wanna organise another bbq. It's too much work to do alone. I'd suggest potluck next time. Okie, someone hogging me le... I'll be back...

just dropping by...

2005-07-21T18:15:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling mor relax now... with all the reports done and out of the way, and only one travel presentation left. I plan to relax for this week till sunday goes away, then I'm keeping away from the mortal world for at least 2 weeks till my exams are over. So, if you happen to be trying to contact me within the next 2 weeks I'm so sorry, try again after that ba... Just for the record, exams end on the 12th of August... You can ask me out anytime after 5pm that day, okie? Haha, okie I'll stop here, going to wait for dad to come le... Cya after ma exams... Muackz, take care till we meet again.

Thinking....

2005-06-06T08:27:00.000+08:00

I got this from Leon's blog, wat do ya think?
Think it's true bout moi? Give me a comment ya?

I'm exceptionally artistic! Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

Fair enough. Perhaps they haven't. But now that you know, you must become one with your inner self.

Virtues: You look for immense creativity and individuality in people, including yourself. You're not happy with anything less than brilliant, and you focus on being expressive. You value energy, liveliness, and upbeat personalities, but you're not supportive of moodiness when you yourself can be unreliably moody. Seeking activity, you like the bustle of business but need the secluded atmosphere of a studio or private corner.

Aspirations: You feel the need to express your talents, whether it be through writing, drawing, singing, dancing, composing, performing, or photographing. While you strive to ever improve your work, you want to display it as soon as possible when your impatience kicks in. You want to be a prodigy but you might not have the means right at your fingertips. Trust me, do NOT move to New York to do it. Yeesh!

Quirks: Conformists bother you because of their lack of individuality. You're often late or unreliable. You're showy and refuse to share the spotlight. You only tell little white lies. You worm your way into the hearts of others, but be careful; some people despise the show-offs.

Factors: Surround yourself with activity and you'll always have material to work with. Involve friends and family in your projects so they don't feel like envious outsiders.

Future: Show business or not, you'll settle down happily if you're among those who appreciate your natural talents and desire to perform. Don't stay in one place too long, and don't be too hasty in defining your relationships. Who are you to judge what only time will tell?

Phew..!!!`~~

2005-05-16T15:12:00.000+08:00

Yea-yay! The stupid ICT presentation is over, so is the darn marketing management debate. I'm so relieved now. I look like an idiot now in the formal get-up. I never like formal suits but somehow I think I kinda look good in them except now, coz I'm not wearing my own suit. This suit is Eugenia's mum's, kinda thick but material is good. (Hey Xiao Ting if you're reading this help me thank your mum again, thank you for your help in my project too. Thankz a million! Muackz!) She helped me edit my project report, other wise I don't think I can hand it up by today.

Though the report isn't a very good one, but I think the teacher is the type who practice favorism. I believed he kinda liked those who are not intimidated by him, when he tries to intimidate you. He praised me twice, but I rather he praise the group, and not just me. It makes it seemed as if he only like my presentation and not the rest. Stupid teacher reminds me of Aaron Tang, EEEEE-YUCKS! Sucks!

Now I'm hungry, very hungry, very very hungry... I skipped lunch and I didn't finish breakfast because I counldn't keep my mind off the ICT report. It was eating at me because I haven't finish it. Now I wanna get food. I want FOOD. I want FOOD

Ok byebye, I WANT FOOD. I WANT FOOD. I WANT FOOD. I WANT FOOD. I WANT FOOD.

Depression period........

2005-05-13T08:19:00.000+08:00

Ok so as my title suggest I'm ssuffering from a period of depression, but actually I'm more like indifferent to everything in my life. Let's put it this way, I've got group members who give me rubbish and all I did was say "Hey, I think it's a little wrong, why don't we discuss in school?". Well, I can only say I have this type of behaviour most probably because I'm either used to it or extremely good at controlling my temper now.

So having said that I'm now in school trying to do all 5 questions to my standard, alone. And guess what, my class starts only at 11am later. Am I hardworking or what?! Haha... ok let's talk about the dinner i had in Tao's on Monday ba.

I met Jason(birthday boy) first because I finished school at 6pm and complained about not liking to be alone. He stopped me from buying the cake, saying he's too old for it. But judging from the way he acted that day, I seriously wonder who's younger amongst us?? Mmm.... Pondering on whether I should call him a Kiddo at that time actually. We took a few pictures together for rememberence, and because we don't get to see each other that often. I've put them here, why don't you beautiful gals and dudes tell me what you think?

My escort for the night?!

The 5 of us after the 7 course meal... So full...*burp* Opps...

The 3 Musketers??

Had a visual feast? Well, I wasn't in the best of moods and wasn't feeling well that day, so I probably look like hell...so please focus on the rest... haha...

Ok I gotta go back to my research, presentation's on coming Monday, in formal wear. Someone kill that jerk-a** teacher for me will ya? I don't understand what the Hell he wants?! Ok byebye, I'm gonna start slogging le...

Boring day... Too many breaks...

2005-04-26T18:13:00.000+08:00

Today I have 9 hours of break altogether. Technically speaking I'm supposed to be back in school by 7pm for a make-up lecture but of course I ain't going. The breaks make me tired. So I'm now at Eugenia's place typing this after a soak in the pool. I'm a little tanner than before but not too much. I hope I can be even tanner, maybe a little more bronze than black. Anyhow, I off. Dad's waiting for me, Au Revoir.

School starts...unfortunately

2005-04-18T14:48:00.000+08:00

Today is the first day of school re-open, but I'm not enthusiastic or motivated at all. Plus I'm not feeling well, in terrible pain. It grows by the minute. I've gotta lecturer cum tutor whom I admire for her straight-forward attitude, but hate her strictness. Can you believe this? We are like what? reaching 20 or maybe older and she says we gota write out every tutorial and hand in. That's not all, the module rep even has to check the names of who hand in and who did not. I thought that was only in primary school (-_-) Another lecturer cum tutor is a lamer. He got himself a domain and thinks that's cool. He just a boring guy.

Anyway, I'm not feeling well so I'm gonna get home asap. Au revoir.

Leaving soon.....

2005-03-27T19:02:00.000+08:00

For the past week I've been working everyday and had only been out on Saturdaywith my girl friends. We went lunching in Terra in Bugis Junction, then wtched Miss Congeniality. A chick flick worth watching with girl friends I must say, not to mention it's even worth watching again. Next we walked to Suntec, thought of taking a photo but we ended up having a drink in Olio, ate pizza which is fishy there. Trust me, never try their Pizza Portofino, it's very fishy and we did not try tasting it just swallow only. But I must give their Classic Chocolate Cake credit, it was really delicious, maybe it's a blessing in disguise that they don't have tiramisu that day. While chatting with my friends I realized there was a waiter who kept walking round our table, makes me uneasy, even my friends were uneasy about him. He's like trying to chase us out, really don't like it when people keep looking at us when we are eating and chatting.

I'm leaving this Friday, April's Fool day for Bentong, Pahang, Malaysia. I'll be going back for a few days to pay respect to my grandma and my aunt. Should be back by Wednesday the latest. Ok take care all of you, au revoir.

Stress! Stress! Stress!

2005-03-05T22:16:00.000+08:00

This is the result of not going to school on Thurs. We skipped EWS & went for movie instead. Funny movie but I'm not telling which one. Find out yourself.

My first paper's next Friday, and it's marketing, haiz.... I think I better start praying and studying by tomorrow. My theory always sucks. I hate theory papers and now, I dun like project work too. I hate free-riders, I'd rather do the whole freaking project myself, seriously. Anyway, I shouldn't be here too long, gotta get home. I'm breaking out and I look like hell without make-up. I wish I am truly a vampire, then I probably wouldn't be worrying too much, since they are usually quite smart.

I chose French and German as my elective next semester. Hope I get French, then when I go to France I'll get to use it. ( Not like it's gonna be anytime soon but well...) Okiez, I'm off see ya. Au revoir!

My Trip to Malaysia....;)

2005-02-15T08:26:00.000+08:00

This will most likely be the longest I've ever written here, because I'm gonna account for almost every single day I'm not in S'pore!! Ok here goes:

07/02 Monday

11 am - Set out from home to Woodlands. Had lunch there while waiting for dad to return his company vehicle to his boss. I received a number of SMSes from my friends (darlings, I love u guys, muacks!!)

2 pm - Reach Larkin station in JOhor Bahru, God it's oven hot here. No clouds to shield you from the scorching sun. It's hot with a capital H. Boarded the bus bounded KL by 2.30pm. Home I'm on my way!

7 pm - Finally reached KL, I'm half asleep by then, or rather I'm only half awake ;) Waiting for bus to get back to home in Bentong. Long journey......

10 pm - I REACHED HOME....!!! I'm so relieved and happy. Immediately I'm perked up! On the way that we walked up I had a very clear view of the sky, it's brightly lit with stars... You have to be there to see it to know how lovely the sky is. My goodness, I've never seen such a piece of lovely sky in my life, it makes you wanna fly up to the sky to be among the stars shining.

12 midnight - Time for bed after supper. Had a very sumptous supper.

08/02 Tuesday

Pretty uneventful day, slept like a pig till around 10 am then shopped for new year goodies. Bought wine, beer and chocolates!! Gonna drink myself silly, not in a good mood. Called him up in mid noon but hung up unhappy and felt like crying. Made myself finish 2 tutorials and cried myself to sleep that night.

09/02 Wednesday

Not exactly in the mood though it's the first day of new year. Woken up round 7 am by Mummy when she was waking my cousin up. Her anklet didn't help much by ringing endlessly as she moved around. Washed up after the yleft and went back to the main house (was sleeping at my Mummy's place 2 houses away from the main house), since no one was awake yet, I waied for them to wake up then we went for breakfast. Not knowing if I'm eating like I'm starved for months because I'm happy or sad, I ate a bowl of soup noodles, 2 pieces of roti canai and 1 pretty big bao and drank a cup of milo. Daddy commented that if I lived in Malaysia I'll not be able to find a husband with the amount of food I ate.

Because I'm wearing shorts and tank top I got stares from the locals, they must think that my shorts are too short and my tank top's too revealing. Malaysia village area's still not as developed as city areas and the people there are older so they tend not to approved on my dressing.

The night wasn't eventful too, but the sky was still as brilliantly lit as the first day. beautiful skies always make me miss certain people and I missed him badly then. In order not to let Mummy notice that I'm not really as cheerful I kept myself in the room half the time with the excuse of studying for the test I'll be having when I get back to S'pore.

10/02 Thursday

2nd day of CNY. Hope everyone's having fun. I'm just lazing around for the most part. Met my 'childhood sweetheart' but we aren't sweet hearts at all. We've not met for more than a decade until last year. He chatted bout his girlfriend and asked for suggestions for Valentine's day and then we chatted lotsa crap. He's a sweet guy, if only........... We chatted the whole night till Mummy came over and say it's time to go home. Parted threatening him to remember to send me photos of us when we were young.

11/02 Friday

Friday already. 2 more days and I have to go back to S'pore *Pout*
For some reasons unknown I'm allergic to any other body moisturizer other than my own TNS one. I'm itching like hell and I'm going crazy trying not to scratch. I promised myself I'd see the doctor if it goes on. First time that I volunteered.

12/02 Saturday

Going home in less than 10 hours time. I was drinking that night. Chatted with my cousin and brother till late, we were the only ones who were still awake by then. I'm starting to miss my Mummy and Daddy already, not forgetting my youngest aunt who is also my Mummy. I don't think I've ever felt that much love for any other people before, not even my Dad warrants that much love from me.

13/02 Sunday

Freaking long journey home. Too tired to remember anything.

Conclusion:

My trip back home wasn't really exciting but more relaxing than busy, more tiring than rejuvenating. Nevertheless, I enjoyed myself there, though I missed him badly.

Now I'm back in S'pore but my Valentine's day was what I wanted, or rather expected. Anyway, that's all for now.

Early Happy Chinese New Year!!!

2005-02-04T08:34:00.000+08:00

Harlow!!! The photo was taken on Saturday after KTV after Social Night @ G Cafe. We are 4 ladies in black, don't we look perfect in black?! I'm just very chirpy today. Don't ask me why but I think it's because yesterday I met up with darling and we didn't quarrel at all. Haha... that's so not the point, anyway, that night was the first time I took so much time to dress up, after I don't know how many eons of years... Haha... I'm just exaggerating! Today's Friday already will be gone from Singapore by Monday. I'll miss all of you and yes I'll be back to fill you guys and gals in on what I did in Malaysia, probably not much but still it'll be super relaxing. I'll be with Mummy (that's my aunt by the way) and we'll do all girls stuff, manicure, pedicure, facial...etc. You name it, we'll do it!

Yesterday I bought a pair of shoes, really funky, but it was not my first choice :( At first I saw another pair of shoes which is very much like those Nike Dunk but it was outta stock by the time I wanna get it. Oh well, I'll still continue to look for it. Even if it's after New Year. This year it's very packed for me, I think I even have to bring a few projects back to Malaysia to do, and I have a test the second day I'm back. So I'll have to bring my notes back to study as well. How sad can that be right? But what to do? I have to finish the course other wise I can't attain my goals. Ok I'm not gonna talk anymore. I'm gonna check every mail I have so it won't be flooded so Cya all when I'm back. Muackzzzz!!!!

Busy week, I'm So Tired... (Yawnzzzz)

2005-02-01T08:35:00.000+08:00

Ok I will not be able to write for roughly 2 weeks coz, next week I'm going back to Malaysia and this week I'm practically working everyday and if I'm not working I'm in school. Gosh! How did I manage man? I'm so busy that I dun even have time for shopping, thus I've not bought any New Year stuff at all. No new clothes for me this year, I was planning to buy new lingerie but now with my schedule I think I'll only be able to do it after new year. Looks like I'm gonna have to make do with old clothes again.

Not that I'm excited about this new year. It's darken by 2 deaths, 1 of my 2nd aunt, another of my distance granduncle who died yesterday. This year seems to brood ill fate. I better go temple to pray for the well-being of those around me. I hate deaths, thus I hate hospitals. It's kinda symbolic, hospital equals deaths to me. I heard my grand uncle died in the hospital, he had been ill for quite some time I heard. What a start for a year.

Anyway, I missed Salsa on Sunday, now I'm 1 lesson behind everyone. I shall go on coming Sunday and see what I can pick up. HEard the steps are very fast paced and hard to catch, let's see if a 'fast learner' like me can catch it. Alright I shall go back to my notes, I've gotta test coming up at 11 so see ya. I'll be writing when I get back. Take care.

Hellooo!!!!

2005-01-17T15:43:00.000+08:00

Finally the photos are out. This is one of the photos we took when we went to East Coast Park that day. Ok I don't remember which day but we, meaning the salsa group, had quite a lot of fun, except me of course. I had a lot on my mind. Anyway, that day I cycled and cycled and I cooked a lot of food. Practically not me on that day, smiling but not really smiling. Nevertheless, there's a lot of fun that day, hope we can do it again.

nEw bLoggeR..

2004-10-07T21:52:00.000+08:00

hihi.. eUgeniA hEre..hahaha..